My babies 🌵🌿❤️
THE SLOWER YOU GO THE BIGGER YOUR WORLD GETS!
wildflowers
hiking elk island aug. 6 2016
my pics
Free Spirited Paradise
Happiness, euphoria & peace 🕉
howitsgoing
Loneliness, rejection, yadda yadda
I decided to write the next piece on here about something that I’ve been struggling with for a while now. I’m lonely, like really fucking lonely. And I know I’ve got friends, I’ve got some of the most bomb-ass friends in existence, but they go home, they have their partners and their own lives. And obviously I’m super happy for them and I want nothing more than for them to be happy. But I could have an amazing day having the most fun ever but as soon as the fun stops, I stop feeling it. I just cant seem to hold onto happiness. I spent three years basically joint at the hip with someone and they’re not around anymore, they haven’t been since last august and although I’ve spent extended periods of time with people its just not the same. I’ve spent a long time now expecting every new guy I start seeing to just fall into the place my ex was in, I expect them to know when to give me space and when to hold me and its only recently that I had the epiphanic realization that actually it took 3 years to get to that stage before and it’ll take that kind of work again. And on top of that I’m still working out whether I’m ready for those intense feelings again while I’m trying to make myself a happier person. I’ve always been highly dependant on other people for my happiness, not in a parasitic sense of the phrase but I’ve never needed to make me happy because other people have always provided the happiness for me. It’s hard. It’s also been a trying time as I’ve been facing a lot of rejection. In the least arrogant way possible, I’ve not faced much rejection when it comes to men. I spent 6 years with guys who intensely wanted to be with me so I just constantly felt loved and appreciated. It started when I had the horrible post-breakup interactions with my ex where I constantly poured my heart out to the point where I was only describable as a mess, while he teetered on the fence of whether he wanted me in his life or not, ultimately rejecting me. Then there’s the guys that have out-right rejected me, cute guys I’ve been on dates with that just didn’t feel the attraction, the bitchy gays that don’t want to see past the pink hair or the feminine behaviours (and FYI if you’re #Masc4Masc and only want a “real man” stop renting your ass on Grindr ya contradictory lil pests) but I’ve digressed, I’m still working out the right level of communication, still working out what’s too clingy and what’s too distant, when you spend all of the ages of 15-21 in LTRs you don’t understand the societal norms of how to behave when you’re trying to catch the next fish. It’s all so confusing and I fucking hate it, but for now I’m keeping my head above the water and I hope you all are too! Be nice, do the things you like and love eachother. I hope none of you are going through this alone ♥